7 Common Beliefs of Those Raised by a Narcissist

7 Common Beliefs of Those Raised by a Narcissist

Feeling like You’re Not Enough

If you were raised by a narcissist, it’s likely that you grew up feeling like you’re not enough. This is because your narcissistic parent criticized your every move, never praised your achievements, and expected you to be perfect. They might have even acted as if your worth depended on external validation, leading to feelings of inadequacy and the need to constantly prove yourself.

As a child of a narcissist, you may have learned to base your self-esteem on others’ opinions of you instead of your own intrinsic worth. This can lead to a perpetual sense of insecurity that can follow you into adulthood. You may find yourself constantly seeking external validation, overworking to please your boss, or enduring relationships that are unfulfilling just to feel loved.

The truth is that you are enough just the way you are. It’s essential to recognize that the way your parent treated you was not a reflection of your worth as a person. Rather, it was a reflection of their own insecurities and need for control.

It’s time to start focusing on your own opinions of yourself and your unique skills and abilities. Consider making a list of your strengths and accomplishments and reminding yourself of these things whenever you start to doubt your worth.

Therapy can also help you learn to internalize feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. A trained therapist can teach you how to recognize negative or irrational thoughts and replace them with more positive and encouraging ones.

You are capable of overcoming the negative beliefs that were instilled in you by your narcissistic parent. With time and effort, you can learn to love yourself and see that you are indeed enough.

Believing You’re Responsible for Others’ Happiness

Being raised by a narcissistic parent can lead you to believe that you are responsible for the happiness of others. You were expected to be an extension of your parent, and your worth was often measured by how much you pleased them. As a result, you might have learned that love is conditional and that you need to constantly prove yourself in order to receive it.

This belief can be particularly harmful because it places an enormous burden on your shoulders. Constantly trying to make others happy can be exhausting and it can lead to neglecting your own needs. This can be especially problematic if you have other responsibilities such as work, school, or taking care of your family. You may feel like you don’t have enough time or energy to take care of yourself, and therefore, neglect your physical and emotional wellbeing.

Furthermore, this belief can make it difficult for you to set boundaries with others. You might feel guilty if you say no to someone’s request or if you prioritize your own needs over theirs. You might also struggle to communicate your own wants and needs, as you’ve learned that they are less important than the needs of others.

Your narcissistic parent may have also used the threat of withdrawing love to coerce you into compliance. This can result in not feeling safe expressing your true feelings and beliefs to others, even if they are different than the people around you.

It’s important to recognize that you are not responsible for the happiness of others. Everyone has their own emotions and it’s not your job to manage them. You are entitled to express your own feelings, set boundaries, and prioritize your own needs. This is healthy self-care and it’s how we build relationships that are mutual and equally beneficial.

If you are having difficulties with setting boundaries, communicating your feelings or prioritizing your own needs, you might find it helpful to talk with a therapist. They can help you unlearn the beliefs that you’ve internalized and help you develop healthier patterns of behavior.

Ignoring Your Own Feelings

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can be incredibly difficult, as they often prioritize their own needs above their children’s. Unfortunately, this can lead to a number of long-lasting negative effects, such as believing that your own feelings are unimportant or unworthy of attention.

As a child of a narcissist, you likely learned that your parent’s feelings and opinions were the only ones that mattered. You may have been scolded or ridiculed for disagreeing, or had your emotions brushed off or dismissed completely. Over time, this can lead you to believe that your own feelings aren’t valid or that they should be ignored entirely.

One common way that this belief manifests is through emotional neglect. If you were constantly told to “get over it” or “stop being so sensitive,” you might have learned to push your feelings aside or bury them deep down. This can lead to a sense of detachment or dissociation, where you feel numb or disconnected from your emotions altogether.

Another way that this belief can impact your life is through difficulty with boundaries. If you were raised by a narcissist, you likely never learned how to set healthy boundaries for yourself or communicate your needs effectively. This can lead to a pattern of over-giving or people-pleasing, as you prioritize others’ needs over your own and struggle to assert yourself in relationships.

Perhaps even more insidious, this belief can lead you to doubt your own perceptions and instincts. Narcissistic parents often gaslight their children, making them doubt their own version of events and presenting a distorted reality. If you grew up in this environment, you may struggle to trust yourself or rely on your own judgment.

Luckily, there are some things you can do if you recognize this belief in yourself. The first step is to allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment. Recognize that your feelings are valid and deserving of attention, even if they don’t match up with what others want or expect from you.

Another crucial step is to learn how to set healthy boundaries for yourself. Practice saying “no” to things that don’t align with your needs or values, and make an effort to articulate what you want and need in your relationships. This can be challenging at first, but it’s essential for developing a sense of self-worth and agency.

It’s also important to seek out supportive relationships with people who validate your emotions and experiences. This could be a therapist, a support group, or simply a friend who understands what you’re going through. Having a safe space to share your feelings and be heard without judgment can be incredibly healing.

Ultimately, recognizing and challenging the belief that your feelings don’t matter is essential for healing from the wounds of narcissistic parenting. With time and effort, you can learn to trust yourself and prioritize your own emotional well-being in all aspects of your life.

Feeling Like a Burden to Others

The belief that you are a burden to others is a common feeling experienced by those who were raised by a narcissist. This belief can stem from the fact that your narcissistic parent made you feel guilty for having basic needs like food, clothing, and shelter. You might have been made to feel like a burden because your parent would always remind you of how much they had sacrificed for you, or how much money they spent on you.

As a result, you might have developed a deep-seated belief that it’s not okay to ask for help or support, and that you should always try to handle everything on your own. This can lead to feelings of shame, self-blame, and a sense of isolation from others.

Feeling like a burden to others can also manifest in your close relationships. You may worry that your partner, friends, or family members might find you needy or dependent if you open up to them about your emotions or struggles. This fear can lead you to keep your struggles to yourself, which can create a sense of disconnection from others and further reinforce the belief that you are a burden.

It’s important to recognize that feeling like a burden to others is a common consequence of being raised by a narcissist, and that it’s not a reflection of your worth as a person. You deserve to have your needs met, and it’s okay to ask for help or support from those around you. It’s also important to understand that you are not responsible for the emotional well-being of others, and that healthy relationships are based on mutual support and care.

To overcome this belief, it’s important to work with a therapist or trusted friend who can help you challenge these negative thought patterns. You can also practice self-compassion and self-care by reminding yourself that it’s okay to ask for help and that your needs are important. Finally, it’s important to surround yourself with supportive people who will validate your emotions and offer you the support and care that you deserve.

Hiding Your Struggles

One of the most common beliefs that people who were raised by a narcissist hold is that they should always hide their struggles. Narcissistic parents tend to have an image of themselves as perfect people, and any indication that their child is struggling or facing challenges can threaten this image. As a result, children of narcissistic parents often learn to hide their pain, sadness, and anger, and put on a brave face instead.

At first, hiding your struggles might seem like a survival mechanism. After all, showing vulnerability or weakness to a narcissistic parent can result in criticism, ridicule, or neglect. However, as you grow up, this belief can become deeply ingrained and prevent you from seeking help or support when you need it.

Hiding your struggles can have many negative consequences. Firstly, it can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. When you believe that you have to keep everything inside, you might feel like you’re the only one going through a difficult time. You might also feel like you can’t turn to anyone for help or advice, which can be especially challenging when facing major life changes or crises.

Secondly, hiding your struggles can make it harder for you to connect with others on an authentic level. When you feel like you have to put on a mask and pretend that everything is okay, you’re not being true to yourself. This can prevent you from forming meaningful relationships based on honesty, trust, and vulnerability.

Thirdly, hiding your struggles can prevent you from getting the help you need. Whether it’s seeking therapy, talking to friends or family, or finding other resources, you might be reluctant to reach out because you feel like you should be able to handle things on your own. This can exacerbate mental health issues such as depression and anxiety, and prevent you from making progress towards your goals.

If you find yourself holding onto the belief that you should hide your struggles, it’s important to challenge this belief and seek help if needed. Remember that vulnerability is not weakness, and that asking for help is a sign of strength and self-awareness. It’s also important to surround yourself with people who support and validate your feelings, rather than criticize or minimize them.

Therapy can be an especially helpful resource for those who were raised by a narcissist and struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, and inadequacy. A therapist can provide a safe and non-judgmental space for you to explore your emotions, work through past traumas, and develop healthy coping strategies.

In conclusion, hiding your struggles is a common belief among those raised by a narcissist, but it can have negative consequences. By challenging this belief and seeking help, you can learn to be true to yourself, form meaningful relationships, and overcome the lasting effects of narcissistic parenting.

Feeling Undeserving of Love, Happiness, and Success

One of the most common traits of those raised by a narcissistic parent is the feeling of being unworthy of love, happiness, and success. This belief stems from the constant criticism, comparison, and lack of validation that children of narcissistic parents experience.

Growing up with a parent who is preoccupied with their own needs and achievements can leave a child feeling neglected, unimportant, and inadequate. Narcissistic parents often show little interest in their children’s feelings, achievements, or needs unless they serve the parent’s purposes. As a result, children of narcissistic parents struggle to feel valued, appreciated, and loved for who they are, rather than for what they can do or provide.

Moreover, narcissistic parents often set impossibly high standards for their children and make them believe that they can’t meet them. They might criticize their children’s every move, compare them unfavorably to others, or withhold affection and praise unless their children prove themselves. Consequently, children of narcissistic parents develop a deep sense of self-doubt and feel like they are not good enough, no matter how hard they try.

Interestingly, this feeling of unworthiness can also manifest as a fear of success, happiness, and love. Children of narcissistic parents might feel that they don’t deserve to be happy or successful because they were never allowed to enjoy their accomplishments or were told that they didn’t deserve them. They might also feel guilty for experiencing positive emotions because they associate them with their parent’s disapproval or jealousy.

It is essential to understand that these beliefs are not based on reality but are the result of conditioning by a narcissistic parent. Children of narcissistic parents are often brought up in a world where love, appreciation, and validation are conditional and rare. As a result, they learn to seek validation and approval outside of themselves and to doubt their own worth and abilities.

To overcome this belief, it is crucial to challenge the negative self-talk and self-doubt that comes with it. Children of narcissistic parents need to learn to separate their self-worth from their achievements and to recognize that they are worthy of love and success just by being who they are. Working with a therapist or a trusted friend can help them reframe their beliefs and develop healthy self-esteem and confidence.

In conclusion, feeling undeserving of love, happiness, and success is a common belief among those raised by narcissistic parents. It is a result of the constant criticism, comparison, and lack of validation that children of narcissistic parents experience. However, recognizing this belief and challenging it is the first step towards healing and rebuilding a healthy sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

Difficulty Trusting Yourself

If you were raised by a narcissistic parent, difficulty trusting yourself might be one of the long-lasting effects that you experience. Your parent likely demanded perfection and control, which may have resulted in a loss of trust in your own decision-making abilities.

Narcissistic parents often feel threatened by their children’s independence and self-reliance, viewing it as a challenge to their authority. As a result, children of narcissists might grow up feeling like their opinions and choices are never good enough. They may even question their own judgment and rely too heavily on the approval and validation of others.

Furthermore, narcissistic parents often project their own fears and inadequacies onto their children, leading them to believe that they are not capable or competent. They may criticize, belittle, or dismiss their children’s accomplishments, leading them to doubt their own abilities.

This can result in a lack of confidence and a tendency to seek out external validation. Children of narcissistic parents may struggle to make decisions and constantly second-guess themselves, fearing the consequences of making the wrong choice.

Moreover, children of narcissistic parents may have been denied the opportunity to explore their own interests and perspectives. Their parent may have forced their own agenda or worldview onto them, conditioning them to think and act in certain ways.

In order to overcome difficulty trusting yourself, it is important to start with introspection. Take the time to examine your beliefs and opinions, and try to identify where your self-doubt stems from. It may be helpful to talk to a therapist or trusted friend who can provide emotional support and guidance.

One of the keys to building self-trust is to start small. Begin by setting small goals and following through on them. Practice making decisions for yourself, even if they are minor ones. Gradually, you will build confidence in your own judgment and become more comfortable with taking risks.

It is also important to learn to embrace your own uniqueness and individuality. Allow yourself to explore your own interests and passions, and trust that you have the capabilities to achieve your goals. Remember that your successes are your own, and that you don’t need the approval of others to feel validated.

In conclusion, difficulty trusting yourself is a common belief held by those raised by a narcissist. It can be a challenging hurdle to overcome, but it is possible with the right support and dedication. Start with introspection and small steps towards building confidence in your own judgment. Trust in your own abilities and uniqueness, and know that you deserve to follow your own path in life.